Currently Listening Hands Down By Dashboard Confessional see related

Sooooo I guess it has been awhile again since I have last come to my old xanga site….so much has happened but nothing really life changing except for you know what in harry potter.

I’ve been in band for forever and a day so I am not that upset that school has begun again, I mean if I have to wake up at 530 I might as well go to school and start the beginning of the end of high school. It seems like every minute for the past couple of days all I can think about is the fact that this is the last time I will be doing things before heading off into adult life. even when I’m having a blast with my buds like tonight I still have that little voice reminding be that soon most of these friendships will end and I will have to start over again. In one way I am so excited to start fresh and be whomever I chose to be, but on the other I am scared that things may not live up to my high expectations of college. I kinda feel like these are some of the last times I will be able to just be a kid without concerns for money, family, and a career….so I’m trying really hard to live it to it’s fullest.

The first day of school came and went just like it does every other year, but I must say that this had to be the worst first day of school that I have ever experienced….my schedule was a fiasco, everything was wrong and that really put me in a pissy mood. And then I forgot to turn my cell phone off for like the first time ever and of course it went off ahhhh! And my first impression in front of my ap english teacher was really bad. And then there was this whole big shabang with a clarinet that put all the section leaders in a bad place…darn freshmen. Well I really don’t want to say it’s because they are freshmen because there really are some cool new kids that I think are going to fit in just fine, but why of all years do we have to have a few disrespectful brats that can ruin it for everyone my senior year.

Well my second day took a definite upturn though, I did really well in band which put me in a great mood and then tonight I went out with about 20 people to see skeleton key which pleasantly surprised me and then to olive garden where I sat on the west siiiide! Hahaha, I guess to make up for my bad day yesterday I was given a really good day today, hopefully my luck will stay high because the only cloud on my horizon is the realization that I came to tonight at sonic when we were all talking about who we liked. I realized that yes I think a lot of guys I know are attractive but there is no real pull or like right now for anyone in particular.  Maybe it’s a good thing and I can spend my senior year focusing my school and my friends, but it’s also a downer because I love snogging as much as the next teenager (my new favorite harry potter word) and I might consider the friends with benefits route but that would most likely lead to forbidden territory (I have tried it before and it just leads to a relationship shabang.) Maybe I am just not trying hard enough because I don’t really want a relationship, or maybe it’s because I am in this middle ground area where the guys I want are too good for me and visa versa. I guess I will just have to see how this year turns out and who knows maybe there is something I have just overlooked.

One thing that I am really excited about this school year is the new friends I am getting closer too. A lot of the people I hung out with tonight I would have never imagined hanging out with a year ago. But you never know where awesome friendships could be lurking, some people have always been right there and I never had the thought to try and seek something out. All right so I guess that will be my new motto for this year….i am going to look deeper than before when it comes to first impressions and try hard not to cast judgment before I know a person. It may not always work, but I’ll work on it.

So it’s now midnight and because I think the xanga craze it seriously going downhill so nobody will probably read this except me and my dog barney, so I’m going to call it a night and tuck in to my beloved harry, who will have to be my make believe boyfriend until prince charming comes around…..yes I do still believe in chivalry!

Lots of love and kisses

Currently Reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6) By J.K. Rowling see related

HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently Watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith By Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Adam Brody see related

Ahh summer vacation, the time of the year where the only worries on peoples’ minds is if they are getting enough sun, buying enough clothes, and hanging out enough with their pals. What a glorious time of year this is! I have been sleeping in till noon or later, watching mindless tv shows like elimadate and jeopardy, hanging out every night until midnight at least, and still finding time for my Harry. It is hard to believe that a month ago I was worrying about ap exams and gpas, who cares about those stressful things anymore? All I know now is that I need to lay out and rid myself of the pale skin I am cursed with and that I need to memorize the fourth and fifth harry potter before the sixth one comes out in 23 days 12 hours and four minutes.

There has been no need to update this stress-releasing machine this summer because any stress that has been bothering me has been so small that it is unimportant. My love life is still kinda sad, there was a maybe for a little while but that probably isn’t going to happen. But you know what? I am actually happy being single right now. I mean sure it would be awesome to have a guy to like and get butterflies with yada yada but I have so much more free space in my head to think about other things now. Have you ever noticed that when you are dating someone or really like someone it is all you can ever think about? All I can remember from last summer was the drama of being in a relationship and I’m glad that this summer hasn’t been plagued by anyone yet. And no I am not just saying that because I do not have anyone….i AM actually happy, not just pretending so no one will worry.

All of my friends have chosen to leave town and go to exotic places at the same time and leave me to hang with my dog Barney. That’s ok though because I have catched up on my loner time AND catched up with some friends I believed almost gone. However, by the time I leave for Michigan with Sasha on the 30^th, everyone will return and have fiestas without me but it is no one’s fault that the fates have aligned against me. And at least I am planning on one hell of a fiesta in Michigan, I mean there is nothing better than being around people you know so well that you can just let it all out….i am planning on letting go of all inhibitions and having a crazy fun time!

That’s about all that is happening in the world of caitlin this summer. Relief from the hell that was junior year, sleeping ridiculous amounts, freedom from big drama, and most of all having a great time….i just wish it would never end and band camp would never begin…but I guess that is impossible.

Nobody forget that harry potter and the half blood prince is coming out July 16!

Currently Watching Star Wars - Episode III, Revenge of the Sith By Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen see related

allright so maybe life decided to take a little drop before going back up again because other than exams i have nothing to complain about....

pics from my life lately

http://community.webshots.com/user/smelliekat06

Currently Playing The Phantom of the Opera (2004 Movie Soundtrack) (Special Extended Edition Package) By Andrew Lloyd Webber, Richard Stilgoe, Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson, Charles Hart see related

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All right kiddos, long time no see, tis time for another novel so prepare yourselves.

So life has dropped slightly off from the upward slope that it had been on lately. I beginning on that downward slope that can only mean loneliness and I need to try and fix it.

So the week before last were the ap exams, dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn, and, because I am lucky like that, the day before my history exam I went home deathly ill with a horrible stomach virus and had to miss my exam. Luckily I get to make it up but now that all of my other exams are over I feel no initiative to pull out my history notes and start studying again so I’m predicting a very low score.

my last choir concert was on thursday and I have to admit I am very disappointed in my friends. This is the one concert out of the year that I had a solo, not even one but a couple, and the only concert in which I invited people to come and sadly no one bothered to show up. Ok I have to say that some had no chance of coming because of softball, work, etc.. but what I am disappointed about are the friends that had no prior commitment and decided that they were to good to come. Sadly again that is not the worst of it, what I am really really TOED about are the friends who said they would be there are just decided that they were too lazy to come even though they knew it meant the world to me. Ouch. Am I asking too much of my closest friends? Am I just being selfish? Is it wrong to expect at least one of them to come to something I worked hella hard on? When nobody came I just felt as if all of my hard work meant nothing and it was really really depressing. And the worst of it all was I actually think I did ok, and now I feel like it doesn’t even matter.

Blah blah blah, so another reason I am heading back down is entirely my fault. I am falling back into one of my loner stages where the only time I am happy is when I am at home listening to harry potter. It has become my release to the stresses of the outside world. Some listen to music, others play video games, and others do homework, but the only way I feel like I can forget about the problems lately is by putting on my headphones and listen to harry battle on some dementors while playing a game of solitaire. And because of this new loner feeling I am becoming more and more snappy at my friends which is kinda rude on my part. Its kind of like all of their annoying qualities are standing out lately and it’s driving me insane. At first I blamed them for being this way but now I realize that it is me for only looking towards the bad in people. I am hoping that it is just another one of my loner phases and praying that it will soon pass so I can enjoy the company of my friends again.

Enough venting for now, the real reason (other than venting) for writing this entry was because I wanted to let my friends know why I have been acting kind of stand-of-ish lately and let me say how hurt I was by the choir concert. Well now that I am done with that I think I am going to a) take a long nap b) listen to harry c) lay out and try to get tan or d) watch the second star wars because I want to be prepared for the coming out this weekend. Lots of love and please don’t get offended by this if you were not involved.